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Date Me

Male, straight, 33, monogamous, 5'11", wants kids, DC area

Looking for: female, similar age, monogamous, wants kids

Feel free to reach out over email ( or DM on twitter (@zkallenborn)

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Shirt selfie.jfif


  • My writing got global news coverage one time, which was pretty neat

  • My hobbies are classic nerd: I play dungeons and dragons; just beat Elden Ring, and have strong opinions on aquaria 

  • Looking for a self-possessed, intellectually omnivorous woman (preferably a bit weird) with a long-term goal of starting a family

  •  I promise I'm not a slutty grandpa: my hair turned gray in my 20s due to Waardenburg syndrome (thankfully, no hearing loss)

I define my life by the real-world impact I create for humanity in national and global security. I'm delighted to have contributed in small ways to making sure the water stays running and the power stays on during COVID-19 lockdowns; and helping rescue refugees in Afghanistan being hunted by the Taliban.

I want a partner who cares equally about the world and strives to make it a better place. I want a woman who is intellectually omnivorous, and is excited to talk my ear off about something cool she learned (especially about psychology, history, philosophy, existential risks, social work, or just new ways to make the world better). I expect this to come with a strong sense of self; someone unafraid to call me a moron when I'm being one. I also want us to have some common ways to relax. I'm mostly an indoorsy nerd, enjoying TV, reading, writing, video games, and general parallel play, but am quite happy to be dragged to museums, art shows, and concerts. Currently, I'm enjoying porch wine and thunderstorms; the new Lord of the Rings series; and wanting to visit the Smithsonian zoo. 

I love, and admire kids. A child has no experience of rage, heart-break, or loss. A child experiences the world in its purest form, figuring out what that world means for themselves. I want to be a part of that first scrapped knee, first day at school, and first time reading Harry Potter (this is non-negotiable.) I'm not emotionally prepared for children this second and want to build a relationship first, but that's the goal.

As to my worldview, politically, I'm a center-left institutionalist. Despite the problems, American government is fundamentally good (or at least among the least worst). I'm quite worried about declining social trust and cohesion, but not sure what to do about it. Religiously, I'm probably best described as an eclectic esoteric. I've dabbled in Sufism, Wicca, and some new age practices, but don't identify with any in particular. I have no preference on your worldview: I'm unlikely to join a protest or get up early for Church, but I'm happy if that's what you want to do.


1. Husband material: looks fade overtime, and even the most wonderful partnerships will go through periods of frustration, rage, lust, and love. I can promise to do my best to be supportive and empathetic through all that, even if we don't always see eye to eye.

2. Famous in small circles: In the tiny world of autonomous weapons ("killer robots") and drone swarms, journalists have written about my ideas in the New York Times, Popular Mechanics, WIRED, NPR, and dozens of others in dozens of languages. I've also been invited to speak at a bunch of awesome places like Oxford, Harvard, Georgetown, NATO, and the UN. One time, I made the centerfold of Newsweek

3. Assumption of equality: my parents were ultra-hippies. I was given dolls at a young age to encourage gender neutrality; my mom proposed to my dad; and my mom's career always was priority. My default is to assume equal value in work and life between husband and wife, with the details worked out based on personal preferences and values. (Personally, I'm excited to learn baby sign language, and excessively read scholarly literature on child development.)


  1. Mental health challenges: I've been diagnosed with both social anxiety disorder and major depression. Although I take full responsibility for working through these challenges, they create quirks, especially early in a relationship when anxiety is normal for everyone. On the plus side, cheating is basically impossible, because my nervousness could be seen from space!

  2. A bit too serious: When you're dealing with heavy, life-and-death matters frequently, it's hard not to be cold and serious. I don't like that about myself, but I also can't deny it's true. The flipside is I really admire joyful folks who can smile in the dark.

Finally, here's a random collection of pictures that make me happy:

Tell me a bit about yourself: or DM on twitter (@zkallenborn)

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